Extraordinary Measures
by Jamfan2000
Summary: Pam never expected to get something so amazing from something so little. Set in season two.  Review and fireworks appear from the sky! :  always M for safe, i never know what i'm going to write next.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello all! It's been way too long since I've written anything and I apologize for that. This story was easy to write, well okay the first chapter, but anyway. Tell me watcha think, as always. ;) (oh and am I the only one who is stupidly excited about the Christmas episode?" ah can't wait! ;) _

It was a terrible morning to hear that annoying buzzing going off into my ear, or more into my entire being I should say. It had been a long night since the planning of the funeral and I couldn't get any sleep. The more I thought about it the more I started to cry. And sadly enough I only had one day left till I went back to work. This was going to kill me. My head started to pound from the tossing and turning that had made imprints on my sheets. I faintly heard my cell phone going off and at that moment it was the farthest thing from my mind. Who in their right mind would call me on such a dreadful day? I looked at the caller ID and my memory come splashing back at me like a wave. _Roy. _I had forgotten about our fight. I kicked him out and made him go to his brother, Kenny's house. Roy expected me to still be the same fix dinner and clean up the apartment Pam that was before this all happened. How could he be so insensitive and stupid? I shook my head, I didn't want to think about him right now, and in fact I almost never wanted to think about him again. _Whoa calm down Pam, he's still your fiancé. _ I sat up slowly and saw some lightly colored Daises just to the right of me. I squinted and picked up the white card in front of them.

_Pam, I'm so incredibly sorry about Penny. I'm always here for you, if you ever need anyone to talk to. Always, Jim. _

I smiled at the moment I woke up to a delivery man, only a few days after her death. Jim, just like most everyone in the office, heard it from Roy, who seemed to be a chatterbox without a mute button. It was really sweet of Jim, not only to send me flowers, thankfully instead of the millions of casseroles that everyone else sent me, but to also remember her name. It seems ridiculous to have my heart turn because of something so simple, but it just makes me remember what an amazing friend Jim is.

I shake my head as I hear a car door slam. I slouch down on the couch expecting Roy to come through the door with another gift from anyone in the office. Instead I hear a light knocking. I groan and get up and see who dares to knock at my door. I am a complete wreck. I sigh and attempt to fix my hair.

I open the door and reveal a dark haired man in a black suit. "Can I help you?" my voice sounded like it's been trapped for days. "Yes, I'm looking for a Pamela Beesly?" "I'm her" I reply reluctantly.

"Hi, I'm Richard Garrison, I here because of your sister..." he looks down at his note pad. "Penny Beesly"

My eyes spin around in circles. What else could someone want to say about Penny? Can't anyone just leave me alone? I sigh and move over so he can enter. "Thank you" he replies. I nod in his direction as he passes. I follow him back towards our messy living room and sit down on the couch.

"So I realize that this is very painful for you, but there are some important matters to take care of." I nod almost angrily, just waiting for him to say one thing wrong so I can punch him in the face. "As you know, Penny has an 8 month old son…" I interrupt way loudly then I need too. "What?" "She has a son" he repeats almost confused by the words just spoken. "You know she has a son right?" this is it; this is the moment where I punch him in the face. I look around the room. Penny has a son? How could she not let anyone know this? Was she never going to tell me? Does mom even know? My head spins faster as thoughts rush in and out of my head. The silence must have been dragged on because soon his voice came full view. "Should I come back later?" his voice a side step away from a threat.

"No, just tell me why you're here" my voice wavering. "Well you are the last person that her son can go to. He has no father, and in the will, it says she wants him to go to you" I scoff in disbelief. She wants me to take her son, whom she never told me about. Real good Penny. I suddenly feel a little angry at her. "Now he will be here tomorrow, that is if you accept" "What if I don't?" I reply boldly. "Then he will go to a foster home." The words hit me like knives. I never want to do that to Penny, but at the same time how can I raise Penny's kid? What will Roy think? I sigh knowing that Roy isn't ready to raise a baby. Nor was I even feeling the nerve to raise one with him after last night. Seeing his true colors just makes me angry. "Do I have any time to think about this?" My voice completely needy. "Of course, here's my card." He hands me a navy blue imprinted business card. "Now, it would be great if you could call me before 5:00 tomorrow evening."

"Alright" is my only reply as he walks towards the door Sure, let me think if I wanna kid in twenty four hours. "Oh and Miss Beesly?" he calls turning around. "Yes?" I comeback completely drained of anything else he could possibly tell me. "His name is Benjamin Allan Beesly" he has a short smile as he leaves letting the door close with a soft click. That click pushed my mind in the last bit of reality there ever could be. I haven't even begun to think any of this through and Roy is not even home yet. A little while later I hear a loud car door slam. Now I know that's Roy. I hold the tears behind my eyelids as I hear the door open. "Hey" he says softly. The urge to talk to him is very limited. He looks at me with regret and I look away. I pause gently before I say anything, suddenly feeling the world pressing against me. I fight my urge to cry. I quickly stop him from his apologies.

"We have to talk Roy" I say finally my voice tearing into pieces. He comes and sits beside me. It's almost like a train wreck waiting to happen, as the words just sit on the tip of my lips waiting to jump off. My eyes suddenly build up with tears. My mind screams out for a hand to hold when I feel Roy's freezing one on top of mine. I pull away. I'm tired of pretending and right now I'm tired of living. Before I knew what was happening the sun was setting and my life was changing.

_Thanks so much for reading! I hope you like it, just came to me while I was playing with my nieces. You know I love to hear from you guys so….._

_Review! It could save a life! :D_

_-jamfan2000-_


	2. Back to the Old Grind

_Hey! Thanks so much for the reviews! ;) I tried as hard as I could to finish this chapter right, so I could come back to it with full force. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Happy Holidays!_

It was incredibly bright as I walked into the office that morning. Everything seemed to blur and everyone's voice faded. I tried not to be the office glum of the day, but as the night before keeps a rerun in my head, my eyes and shoulders sat heavily; with a frown on my face that was sure to catch Michael's eyes. I look around and glance at Phyllis and Stanley who were the only ones with me in the office and I briefly remember their looks of sympathy as they passed. I wanted to walk away and pretend that I didn't work here. I wanted to run as far as the sun would let me. This internal pain just wouldn't let up and on top of that had a huge life alternating decision to make. My mouth seems dryer than usual well I bend down to grab some chap stick out of my purse. I hear the door click open. My body seems to not want to move up. I just want to lay down here under the desk forever. Unwillingly, I slowly sit up. Jim's face was the first face I saw. He smiles at me, in a way that's different from everyone else's. Like he really cares, not at all just a sympathy gesture.

"Hey" he says leaning against my desk. The smell of him calms me instantly. "Hey" I reply a small smile leaking over my lips. He looks nervous and restless, almost like he doesn't know what to say. I can see him putting a speech together in his head about to say how sorry he is about Penny but I beat him to it. "Thank you for the flowers, they were beautiful "I realize that I don't have to try to sound sincere. His smile charmingly seeps its way to his lips as a small blush reaches his cheeks. "That was nothing really" he assures me. "Well it meant a lot" feeling like a whole new smile appears near my cheek bones. "Hey so I was thinking" he starts looking down at me with deep eyes. I look back ignoring the flutter in the pit of my stomach. "Yeah?" I reply, giving him motive to keep talking. Before he could finish his thought, the main door opens and Roy pushes his way through. My smile instantly fades as he comes up looking between us like we are passing secrets with our eyes.

"Hey babe" he says, looking over at Jim, who instinctively gives me a half smile and walks back to his desk. I sigh and look up at Roy. "Hi" I reply suddenly very interested in my computer. "So uh" he stutters slightly. He never was much for feelings. "How are you?" I hear him force through his chapped lips. "Fine" I reply, short and determined, as I get up and walk towards the kitchen. I feel his eyes on me, and it's almost like he can feel me hiding something. I went through my head all last night on how he would react when I told him about Penny's son. I wanted to tell him last night, but he was on such a verge to tell me how sorry he was, and suddenly I got very angry and kicked him out again. I didn't understand at all what was going through me, but I know it wasn't good. The rage and anger and pain of losing Penny and having to be responsible for her son were hitting me all at once. The stress was too much to take and to have to deal with Roy too? It seemed unfair really. I never thought of Roy as a person to deal with but the reaction to Penny's death sent me over the edge. What is wrong with him? Can't he see that I am in pain? I don't understand anything anymore, it's like someone had shook me until I passed out, then I awoke as someone I didn't know. My feet push through the woman's restroom letting him know just where I stand. I walk into the biggest stall and just stand against the wall, letting my body slide down to my knees, tears draining my face. It wasn't fair, why did Penny have to die? My own sister? It didn't seem real, I'm still hoping I wake up from this nightmare and wake up to a call from Penny telling me how she was doing. I don't know how I'm going to raise a kid like this. Benjamin Allan Beesly. Ben always was her favorite name. I can still remember the first time she ever thought of it.

_It was dark outside when we were up in our room, hiding from the storm underneath our manmade fort where flashlights stood up straight reflecting on our covers. _

"_Truth or dare?" I asked her, her blonde hair was falling into her face as she tilts down thinking. "Truth" she looks up smiling knowing she was safe for now. Now it was my turn to think as I look at her going through all the questions in my head. Random took place when I finally picked at question. "I got one!" I declared, letting my sketchbook rest on my thigh. "If you had a baby right now, what would you name it and what would it be?" She scoffs. "What a stupid question" she half smiles. "Hey shut up and just answer the question" I smile back. "Okay, I would have a boy, and his name would be Benjamin" Her voice full of meaning. "Why Benjamin?" I ask in wonderment. "Ah it's not your turn!" she nearly shouts. "Ah fine!" I groan back. The mystery of the name still hung above me, but I never asked the question. Lightening struck outside making the glow light up our fort like fireworks. _

I feel the tears taking charge as that memory breaks through my thoughts. I can still hear her voice when it said his name. "_Benjamin"_ My heart aches with pain, when I realize that I might be going home early today.

_I'm sorry this is so short but I wanted to give you guys something before I couldn't for a couple of days. I didn't want to rush through but at the same time I didn't want to come back into the middle of this chapter, when all of my original thoughts were gone, so I hope you enjoyed and please feel free to…._

_Leave a review ;)_

_-jamfan2000-_


	3. Coffee and the Steam It Brings

_**Hey all! I apologize for my horrible late updates! Finally everything with my surgery is over and now I'm writing like crazy trying to get caught back up to speed! Anyway I hope you enjoy! **_

It was around a quarter to twelve when the security lights on my car beamed on my face whispering the sorrow my eyes only felt. I hadn't heard the footsteps nor had I recalled it speaking to me. It was only one voice I heard that stopped me in my tracks. It was almost like someone had pressed paused on a remote control. The silence is so loud. It said things that I have always wanted to say. "Pam wait" his voice frantic almost as if I was leaving for good. I wipe my eyes quickly then turn to him, knowing my eyes will tell him everything he needs to know.

"Hey" his voice softer than a puppy's cry. "Hey" I reply with some sort of relief, as if he heard my cry for help. "Are you okay?" my eyes transit from his eyes to his chest. "No" I reply honestly feeling my watery eyes reflect against the sun. "But..." I sniff almost smiling. "I think it's going to be" I nod laughing slightly. "I hope so…" I end with a slight horse voice. He leans in un expectantly and hugs me softly. "Do you want to go out somewhere?" He asks me almost cautiously. "I mean we haven't talked…" he puts his hands in his pockets nervously, like one wrong word and I would start running. I almost feel the nerve to turn him away but after these last few days I can't turn away someone decent to talk to. "Yeah" I say with a small smile. He starts to smile.

He looks over at our parked cars and before he can say anything I beat him to it. "Can you drive? I'm sorry I'm just exhausted and…." He cuts me off softly. "Of course Beesly, come on." A sweet tender smile hangs from his lips as he walks a tad ahead of me and opens my door. "Thank you" I say quietly he just looks on his eyes sparkling. I take a second and realize I have never seen his eyes look so beautiful. I shake my head out of my daze and pull on my seat belt. I feel the bolt of the heavy door closing against me as he runs to the driver's side. I feel safe in the car with him. I feel as though in a weird and platonic sense of course that he's protecting me. He knows me so well; so much better than….other people. I close my mind before thinking it.

It wasn't before long, until he pulled into this little coffee shop across town. "Oh I love this place!" I perk up in my seat. "I know" was all his reply with a sly grin. I glance up at the sign. _ Monday Mornings._ It was a unique name. Apparently I had zoned out staring at the sign because Jim held my door open for some time. "Oh gosh" I reply almost laughing. What was going on with me lately? "Now I don't know if this place has mind reading powers like Dwight, but we can look." I laugh because it felt good to and stepped out of the car using his hand for help. My legs didn't seem to want to cooperate. He held the door open for me as I walked into the Monday Mornings, feel the smell of coffee soothe me to my very core. Jim walked us to a corner booth near the back, where no one was around us.

It used to bother me before when we went out to Cugino's, mostly because it scared me how much I connected with him, like he knew my every word before I said it. Roy was the one I thought I was supposed to end up with and even the glimmer of that not being true still kind of scared me. However, each day I find myself growing so much further away from him; and now especially everything that's happened with Penny. I don't know what to do anymore. I get lost in my thoughts again as Jim patiently waits for me to come back to life. I shake my head and look up at him. "Welcome back" he says playfully. I apologize for the second time that day. "Stop apologizing" his face filled with only a grin. "Now what would you like?" he asks nodding towards the big chalk board with all of the items on the menu. I attempt to get up and he quickly denies it. "I'll get it for you" he says and denies me trying to pay. I finally just tell him what I want and he walks away with a skip almost in each step. I smile watching his very attractive back side make its way up to the counter. I put my head in my hands feeling like I should apologizing profusely. As he comes back moments later, I realize I can't remember the last time someone brought me coffee. He sets down the cranberry muffin in front of me and I feel like I should devour it whole, alongside my coffee. He puts it the insane way I like it to. Coffee on the right, muffin on the left. I told him once It was because I was a righty that I like to hold my liquids with that hand because I felt like I had a better grip. He didn't laugh at me, well not completely but I know he never meant it any other way but playfulness.

"Thank you" I reply taking a smooth sip of my coffee. He looks amusingly up at me swirling around his coffee, lingering beside it was his blueberry muffin. "What?" he grins and grabs a napkin pointing to my face. "You have a little foam…." He reaches up and pokes at my nose, getting some on his finger. "There." He laughs gently I laugh along with him wiping my nose with the soft napkin.

After our laughter has ceased silence seemed to take over faster than I ever imagined it. "So…" he starts. "It's been a terrible week." I finish for him. He looks up at me with concerned eyes. "I can imagine." "But there is also this other thing…." I look down at my coffee, figuring out how to breathe again. I wasn't sure whether I should tell him or not. I feel as if in some way that would turn him off or make him be farther away from me. I feel guilty instantly coming to a conclusion so fast. This was Jim, he never judged unless under good oath nor has ever made fun of anything I have taken seriously. I look up into his eyes and feel my bravery fade. I look down again.

"Just take your time" he says softly. "I know I'm in no rush" he finishes jokingly. I smile in spite of Jim being Jim and then it just comes out. "Penny has a son." I don't look up at him because I'm scared to see what I might find there. I do the same with Roy, but I almost have nerve doing it with Jim. He never gave me a reason to be like that. I cut him off before he has a chance to speak. "She didn't even tell anyone, well she didn't tell me. I don't know if my mom knows but….." I stop letting the silence relieve my throat. "Wow." is all he said and I finally look up at him. I was right only deep concern filled his eyes. "He is 8 months old and his name is Benjamin Allan Beesly." I reply almost proudly and I realize that I'm grinning as I say it. I look out the window for some answers.

"Great name" he says nicely. "It is…it was Penny's favorite name..." I end. "Well it definitely sounds like a Beesly." He smiles at me. I smile back just as carefree. I can't help the thoughts that make me think what would sound like a Halpert. I erase the thought and lean back into my chair taking small bites of my muffin with my fingers. "Now the real…umm... deal here is that…" I was interrupted only this time by a different voice.

"Pam!" I look up. You've got to be kidding me.

_**Oh I know you think you know who the voice is but do you really know? Anyway thanks for reading and as always **_

_**Tell me what you think!**_

_**-jamfan2000-**_


	4. This Little World of Our Own

_**Hey hey! So as it turns out I am stupidly excited as are you guys I am sure, about Jim and Pam being drunk next Thursday, what a great Valentine's episode this will be! ;) Hope you guys are having a good week! Enjoy;D **_

"Pam!" I hear being almost shouted out loud. I look up and I don't think I can comprehend who was standing next to the coffee desk. Of all the times why now? "Mom?" I reply nervously. She nods and walks over to us. "Oh you must be Jim!" she says excitedly. I almost feel disgusted at her actions. Jim smiles and shakes her hand. "Yes mam" he replies automatically like a mom guru. She was about to say something else until I stopped her rudely. "What are you doing here mom?" She looks over knowingly and losses her smile. "Just over here doing some business." She replies almost with a beat. I almost scream. Sounds crazy, sounds foolish, bizarre even but the dancing stars in her eyes tell me there is more that I didn't argue with her the other night.

"_Hello" I answer with a dark tone. "Hi Honey." She answers. "Hi mom" My voice tense, angry maybe, undeniably frustrated that Penny never told me about her son. "How are you holding up..?" her voice lingers in my head when I blurt out "Did you know that Penny has a son?" Silence waits by my side until I hear a timid voice. "Yes." This only flares my anger. "How can nobody tell me about this?" I snap waiting for the tears to drip over the lids. "It's complicated." She answers simply and I feel like I don't even know my family anymore. "How could she not tell me? What did I do to deserve not to know that I have a nephew?" I feel my voice rising with each word. "Honey it's not that, she wanted to tell you…." I cut her off quick. "Oh okay, so she wanted to tell me. No you're right that's better. Oh no wait SHE NEVER TOLD ME!" I yelled sarcastically, letting the tears burst out from under me. "Please just listen to me..." my anger took a wrong turn when I screamed "No" and hung up harshly. _

I wasn't even paying attention to the words she was saying, when I briefly remembered that I cried myself to sleep that night. The pain seeped in longer, as I looked up at her realizing that I am the black sheep of my own family. I feel my arm being squeezed by a familiar hand and my anger slips into an alternate universe. "You okay?" Jim whispers to me. I nod and glance at my mom. "Just leave now" I interrupt the incoherent nonsense she was speaking to Jim. "Pam, I think we need to talk…" No we don't." I snap back and Jim looks between me and my mom. She sighs. "You can't hate me forever Pam." Was the last thing she said before turning around and walking out grabbing her coffee on the way out. I look around and notice a few stares. I look down at my coffee swirling around with the white that breaks through.

"If you don't mind me asking…" I cut him off. "She knew." I paused as he looks at me expectantly. "She knew about Ben." I look down trying to keep my eyes from bursting out with tears. "They all knew. They _all knew_ and didn't tell me!" I sob, not feeling even the slightest embarrassed . "Oh Pam." He whispers kneeling down next to me pulling me into his arms. "Shh.. it's okay." He whispers so softly in my ears. I feel his lips against my head and I pull back a little. "I'm sorry.." he whispers letting go. At that moment I realize that being in his arms feels more right than I have ever known. "No, it's okay really…. I don't mind." I smile up at him. "I mean it's been a while since anyone has comforted me…so thank you." I stutter out between tear drops. He smiles back and hugs me again, this time I let myself go and fall into his arms letting the tears run harder than they have ever ran before.

"You wanna get outta here?" he whispers into my ear. I nod trying to with hold my tears as he walks us out of the coffee shop, leaving our semi cold coffees to drink themselves and the interested stares behind us. I felt his arm wrap around my waist as he helped me to the car as if I was injured. I thought it was the sweetest thing. My mind juggles between everything that happened. _ And I haven't even told him the big news yet and I'm already falling apart. _ "I have a great idea of where we can go, if you're up for it. It's peaceful and avoids all kinds of species like Dwight." He says seriously that makes me laugh whole heartedly. I shoot Jim a sweet smile as he opens my door for me. I slip in and pout a little. He notices immediately. "What's wrong?" his face filled with concern. It was probably the corniest thing in history to pull off but I felt a little dangerous. "I can't reach my seatbelt. Could you buckle it for me?" I shoot him a puppy dog face and he smiles instantly and proceeds with the task. "Oh you mean the one right here?" he asks softly tugging at the seatbelt only inches from my head. I nod grinning mischievously, he grins back leaning over me to buckle it in. His face is so close to mine that I could smell his sweet aroma that envelops my being.

I'm surprised I don't see burn marks from my continuous gaze. I hear the click a moment later and he leans back catching my eyes in a staring contest. I've never felt so secure, so safe, so sure that everything was going to be okay. I felt a very strong urge to reach out and kiss him and I'm sure he felt the same way by the way he glanced down at my lips. He didn't though. He just smiled and stepped back out of the car to move to his side. "So what do you say? Wanna go to my _secret place_?" he raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Sounds like a plan." I reply smiling over at him, patting his hand. I even have the nerve to squeeze his hand before releasing it. He smiles under his breath. The car ride to this place was a little farther out of town a place I rarely go unless I needed time away but between taking care of Roy and working, who had time for that? I sigh underneath everything thinking how ridiculous those words sounded. _Taking care of Roy when he should be taking care of me. _ I lean my head down sadly thinking how much I'm dying to go home to someone who would take care of me for a change. I look over at Jim who was already staring at me. I smile and blush deeply.

I turn away and wonder what it would be like to go home to Jim every night. He would be the kind of guy to cook me dinner even if it was just macaroni and cheese, and afterwards he wouldn't leave me to do the dishes alone he would clean them all by himself not letting me touch one dish; not even letting me dry. I can tell that's the kind of guy he would be. And when I wake up in the morning we would make breakfast together while I'm wearing one of his big t-shirts. I shake my head from these thoughts.

Tears feel my eyes when I realize that all that was vanishing slowly right before my eyes. How can you have an eight year old son and a love life? Once Roy leaves _which he will…._ I hold in all the emotion I can trying not to get Jim's attention. Roy doesn't even want kids right now. Roy doesn't even.. My trail of thoughts are stopped immediately when I realize that I have a decision to make. Roy doesn't want kids but I expect him to take in Ben without a fight? He will say give them to people who are ready for kids, or we need more time to spend with each other. The line that one becomes true is when sports on the TV are completely erased and all the bars in town suddenly close down. Then he would be forced to spend time with me. I don't even hear Jim's voice the first time he says my name. "Pam" he tries again. His voice so full of meaning that it almost makes my heart burst.

"Oh sorry." I shake my head looking over at his once again concerned eyes. "You okay?" I shake my head yes, not wanting to lie but the news will come sprawling out soon enough. I look around and see a beautiful park, with the brightest grass and flowers surrounding dogwood trees making the colors of the rainbow shine as the sun hits them. It's almost like a magical park because once we started walking on the handcrafted grey concrete path I felt my chest loosen and my head kick out all the negative things that circled my mind for the past three weeks. I look up at Jim and said "This is so beautiful." He nods smiling, "You haven't even seen the best part yet." I feel a shiver run through me as I feel him walking a little closer to me. We passed a small pond with lily pads sprinkled all around the edges. I squint closer to try and spot any colorful frogs, turns out there were no frogs anywhere. He follows my eyes and quirks, "Guess they all went West for the winter." I let my laugh flow like the fall wind passing through us. I almost wish Dwight was here to correct him.

He suddenly lights up as we come to a big clearing with a semi long white bridge overlooking a small waterfall. Beautiful colors breaking out although my eye lids. How did I not find this place? I can't imagine why a place so worth painting hasn't been found by my artistic eyes. "Wow" I reply to his knowing smile looking around taking it all in, as we step up on the bridge looking over the water. "And this is my secret place." He says softly trying not to break the moment of peace between us and the waterfall. "I can see why." He moves us to the higher part of the bridge where it has a small indention for a few people to sit . He sits down and holds out his hand to help me sit down. I'm first to take off my shoes and dip my toes into the water. I look over and see Jim staring again.

I smile. "What?" He shrugs playfully. "Nothing unless you liked to have your feet ate off by piranhas." He teases. "Oh come on, you are telling me that here, "your secret place" you have not once took off your shoes to dip them in the water?" he shakes his head. "Well now, it's my secret place." I reply seriously. He looks over shocked. "Umm when did that happen?" He banters. "When you didn't mark your territory." I tilt my mouth and lift up my foot to show him before putting it back into the water. He sighs giving in. "Fine, it's your place." His voice trying so hard to be disappointed. I smirk with a small tone, "I didn't know you were so easy Halpert." "That's what she said." He is quick to retort. "And thank you for bringing Michael back into my life." he chuckles. "Sorry." There is a moment of silence that makes me feel so at peace with myself forgetting everything. Forgetting about the sadness, the tears, the heartbreak, Penny. And it helps so much that Jim's here to help me, with whatever I need. I watch as he stares out at the waterfall, seems to be deep in thought himself. Suddenly an idea comes back to me.

"You know" I whisper not wanting to break anything. He looks over at me his eyes sparkling with interest. "If you mark your territory also this can be our place." I feel as though my heart stopped the way he was looking at me made my heart melt and my hands all sweaty. It was the silence that took the longest to recuperate from , somewhere in my mind thinking I went too far. But he just smiles sweetly and says "That would be nice." His teeth are sparkling against the water and I fall into his smile. I watch him take off his work shoes and black socks admiring his perfectly clean attractive feet. I never thought a man's foot could be this nice looking. Roy's are rough and dirty but Jim's were completely the opposite. Stupidly I stared too long and Jim noticed. "Like my feet Beesly?" he asks playfully holding them up for a better view. A deep blush erupts out on my cheeks. "Nah, too girly for me." I tease back trying to erase my stare. "Oh really?" were his last words and before I knew it he was tickling me. "Jim no!" I shout laughing. He continues to move about his fingers on my stomach and my hips. The feeling gave me chill bumps underneath my shirt. "Okay you have nice feet!" I shout breathlessly. "What was that Beesly?" smiling brightly knowing his victory was coming. "You have nice feet!" I say louder in between my laughter. His fingers escape and I bend over slightly attempting to catch my breath. He grins and says, "Well thank you Beesly." holding in his smirk.

We sit in silence again and the noise from the waterfall brings me to another world. It was soon though that the annoying voice in the back of my mind was starting to break my fictitious universe. _Time for the cat to come out of the bag now. _ I look over at Jim who leans back stretching his back ever so slightly before sitting up again letting his feet splash in the water. "She wants me to raise Ben." I break the silence to only cause more silence. He looks over at me with a face I can't determine, so I keep talking. "She never told me about him, but in the will it said I was to take him." I turn my head back out towards the water fall. I shake my head. "If I don't take him, he goes to a foster home." I feel all the emotions that I put aside coming in hitting me with knives as tears brim the edge of my eyes. "I can see it now, Roy and I fighting till five am because he wants me to send him to a foster home. But truthfully I can't find it in my heart to do that." the moment I sniffle is the moment I feel Jim's arms around me pulling me into a hug. I cry softly into his shirt. "And I just.. it's going to be hard to do it alone." I cry more the feeling over taking my body. "Hey hey" he whispers suddenly. "You will never be alone. I'm always here. Right beside you." The sweet words make me cry even more and I feel like giving him everything I am. How can one person be this perfect? I move back to an extent and look up into his eyes. He smiles as the soft wind blows some hair in my face, he puts it right back where it belongs.

I smile at the gesture. I feel myself moving into him suddenly lifting up and catching his lips with mine. He moves to my face holding my warm cheeks between his soft hands. So desperately I kiss him not wanting him to get away. The colors around us sparkle, as if fireworks were going off in the distance. We slowly break leaning against each other, feeling our feet touching in the water as well. I break it feeling completely guilty and happy at the same time. I watch his eyes glaze over and I smile gently. He leans in and pecks my lips feeling the colors surround me for only a moment. I look back out onto the water, wondering what I had just done. I just complicated my life even more. "I'm sorry." I whisper softly looking down into my lap. How could I be so stupid to kiss him, to start something I wasn't even sure I could finish. I was going to be a mom, or an aunt, or… what would I be? What will he call me? Should I give him to parents who aren't emotionally destructible? No, no I can't give him away. I want to be his mommy. I smile at the realization. I want to keep him. I feel Jim's hand interrupting my thoughts, intertwining with my fingers. I look over with a certain sparkle in my eyes. Everything seemed so clear. I could see my future it was shining so brightly. He smiles letting his finger trace down my cheek. Then I felt some clouds moving in front of my sun.

"I don't know what to do." I mutter under my breath. When in my head it seemed so obvious. He looks over at me. His hand wraps around my shoulders leaning down for a light squeeze. I hear a distant ringing and Jim looks expectantly. "Is that your phone?" he asks softly. I feel his arm run down my back as I lean back getting my phone out of my pocket. A number I never have heard of before stares up at me with twinkling eyes. I shake my nerve and answer it. "Hello" I hear rustling into the receiver than a voice. "Hi, Miss Beesly it's Richard Garrison." The name quickly became clear in my head. "Oh yes, Hi Mr. Garrison." I look over at Jim as he stares at me, no doubt hearing everything due to the upmost silence roaming the park. "Any foundation for a decision Miss Beesly?" I hear the curiosity taken the best of him and I am at a loss for words. I feel that if I say yes right away that Roy…oh my god. Roy. I shake my head and stand up. Jim looks up at me, perplex taking over his face. I hold my head feeling everything around me spinning in circles. How could I have gotten so carried away with Jim? How could I betray Roy. Suddenly, when I felt that everything was in place. Everything suddenly jumped out of place. It was like being in an imaginary world. Then reality sunk in. Hard. Jim watches me with concern trying to step closer making contact.

"Miss Beesly?" the voice rung in my ears. "How much time do I have left?" my throat heaves out. "Well as it turns out the paper work for Ben hasn't fully arrived yet, so I say to be safe at least this Friday." Relief breaks through my throat. I closed my eyes feeling everything haunting me again. Penny's death, the tears, the pain all washing back into my stomach making me completely nauseous. "Okay." Is all I say dropping the phone to the ground watching as it snapped closed and falling straight to my knees in between the beautiful yellow daises that smiled up at me. "Pam?" his voice more hysterical than anything. He drops in front of me taking me all in his arms. I let my head fall into his chest and I know now why I kissed him. Because when days like this when I feel this bad, Jim will gather me up and wash away the tears. Roy will pat me on the back uncomfortably and say, "Don't cry." I wish I could say more or less why he would say that. Every time I cried it always made him uneasy. Which is why I usually do it in the bathtub alone, gripping my knees as they hiked up against me.

I move away from his chest still arms length and look down at the ground, my eyes still full of fresh tears. "What did he say?" his voice full of love. "I have till Friday now, because all of his paperwork isn't there yet." I squeeze out painfully. He rubs my arms softly. He maneuvers to lean his forehead against mine. I feel a cooling sensation break through my body. Why is it that I'm so addicted to Jim's moves? He makes me feel like I can do anything. Roy makes me feel like I can't do anything. I keep my eyes closed almost sure he is staring at me. He doesn't take the time to peck my lips; he just holds me, kisses my cheek and holds me close afraid I'll break apart like a puzzle. And there I sat with only Jim's arms holding me together.

_**Ah another chapter another review, well that's the hope anyway. Well I hope all was enjoyed. And more is to come, maybe little Ben will finally get to come home…..Just maybe.**_

_**Review and you get to see Jim and Pam drunk next Thursday (hehe)**_

_**-jamfan2000-**_


	5. Two Impossibilities and One Possibility

_**Before I say anything, I want to apologize for slacking so much that my stories seem to have come to an ultimate stop. Despite everything going on I really appreciate you guys just taking the time to read it. New Episode tonight! Let's see what Will Ferrell's got! It actually looks really funny. Anyway please enjoy and there is plenty to come ;)**_

Friday was coming close to me as I first realized that morning. Sitting at my desk became an entire new thing. Saying yes to take Ben was fairly easy, well sort of. After Jim's encouragement I was game on to take anything I could handle. I was still however mixed in with Roy which didn't make anything easier. I still haven't told him and nothing is making sense. When I was with Jim everything made sense but now, it's back to the way it was, confusing, and just painful. I let my shoulders hunch a little as I look up information about being a parent. It was completely ridiculous but I thought it was somewhat necessary. I knew I had to tell Roy soon but the feeling didn't emerge that fast. I could hear all the excuses he would have to say. I shook them from my thoughts as Jim leaned against my desk. "Hey" he whispered playfully.

"Hey" my eyes still glued to my computer. He raises his eyebrows at me and walks around the desk saying, "You know we can't watch porn at our desk Miss Beesly." I chuckle slightly, still deep into reading the different ways to get your baby to eat vegetables. He senses my thoughts somewhere else and moves to stand near the coat rack looking over my computer. "Parenting tips?" he says softly. "You aren't going to need those" he finishes with a matter of fact tone. I scoff. "Oh sure, let's pretend I don't make kids run away screaming and that they can actually hang out with me without me having candy." I keep my eyes glued to the screen. "Pam." He says so softly that I could barely hear him. "You are going to be the world's greatest mother." I look up into his eyes that spill the truth. The intensity rather scares me. "Please don't lie to me." laughter seeping into my words. I feel his hand on my shoulder. "I would never lie to you Pam." His voice making my blood grow warmer. I look over at him again his eyes dancing into mine. He rubs my back before slowly walking back to his desk.

I put my face in my hands. The kiss we shared that day kept breaking through my thoughts over and over again; forcing me not to sleep, along with the other demons that keep me awake. Jim had never brought it up, as if it was some unspoken bond between us and honestly I was relieved. He knew I had a life changing alteration that I was making, and having two at the same time would just be too much I look up at him who slyly glanced away his eyes from me. I smirked. I can't believe I didn't notice before. Suddenly the door opens and Roy walks in. My breathing stops dead on. His lazy smile and large frame makes me feel guilty for even kissing Jim. I look down at my paper as he comes up leaning on my desk, the same way Jim did just a few moments before. I can feel the tears pressing against my eyelids as Jim's eyes make their way over to me again. The pressures of both eyes are too much. I take a deep breath and reply to Roy's hello. "Hey Roy."

He looks down at me with curiosity, "Everything okay?" I sigh. The one time he notices something. I look up and was about to say my original, "I'm fine." But then I realize that I can't hide myself anymore. "Actually I have to talk to you about something." He doesn't make a reaction; you wouldn't have even known I was talking to him unless you heard him say, "About what?" "Not here" is all my reply as I grab my purse and head out the door not taking one glance towards Jim. Thankfully he catches my drift and follows me out to the parking lot. "Why did you leave this morning?" he asks just as the fall sun hits us like gravity. I only let a moment pass by thinking whether or not I should tell him the truth. Yeah I can see that conversation going well. _"Yeah Roy Jim took me to get some breakfast while you my fiancée were sleeping." _ Honestly, I didn't know what to do Jim was making sure I was okay and that if I ever needed him he was there. And I knew that, I mean the other day proved that. I cough to gain some more time. "I just went for a walk then Angela drove by and offered me a ride to work." I hoped that he wouldn't break down the stupid excuse that I gave him. He didn't even seem bothered by it. "Next time could you just leave a note or something? I mean I wasted half a tank today looking for you." His voice calm slightly irritated. I scrunch my eyebrows together. The fact that the gas was more important to him than anything really took a toll on me.

I shook it off not wanting to fight...Just yet, "Roy I gotta tell you something." He looks over expectantly. "What?" "Well uh, this guy came to talk to me about Penny the other day." He looks as if someone had put some sentiment in him as he grabs my hand and says, "What did he say?" the voice of a man I haven't heard since high school. "He said...uh." my words losing and the tears breaking in. "He said..." I try again. "He said that Penny has an eight month old son." His eyes grow wide at the words. "A son?" he inquires looking directly at me as if I was making this up. "Yeah his name is Benjamin." A smile grows on my lips as I say his name. He looks confused. "So did they tell you which orphanage they were taking him too?" my eyes turn dark, almost with anger. "No, because Penny had put in her will for me to take him." I let the last words off loosely, not realizing how fast they jumped off my lips. He laughs almost instantly. "You're kidding right? You can't take him." he says as if this whole situation was humorous. My smile left a long time ago, but my eyes now turn to fire. "What the hell does that mean?" I hiss in disbelief. "I just mean that kids run away from you now, what are you going to do with Penny's eight month old son?" I hold the tears in as the reality of everything hits me for the hundredth time. _Penny's death, my mom lying to me, and Ben. _ I almost run back inside letting the words from his mouth meet the heels of my shoes. "Wait babe come on, you know what I meant!" I pull open the door snarling letting tears leak down.

"I know what you meant Roy." I mutter angrily the elevator doors opening for me. "I know what you meant." I repeat as the doors close hoping to leave him outside for the next couple of years.

By the time I get back up the office my tears were flowing heavily but I pushed the tears aside forcing myself to smile at Jim when he looks over at me. I know he will be able to look through me. I make a quick decision right when I walk in. I fly past Jim's desk even though his eyes were already on me as I rushed towards the bathroom. I slam the doors to one of the bathroom stalls and push myself against the wall falling back against it sinking my knees into my chest. My sobs start out slow but then a few moments later they go off full blast. Suddenly out of the blue I hear "Pam?" I stiffen immediately.

"Jim?" I call out recklessly. I get up slowly and unlock the door to the stall and his tall frame walks in. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" his concern covering the fact that he was in the women's restroom. "Yeah, sure why?" I shake off the tears and push a piece of hair behind my ear. "Oh sure of course I mean sobbing is a happy thing right?" he jokes, but his face completely serious. "Seriously Jim, I'm good." I sigh feeling the weight of the world shifting into a painful position on my shoulders. I move past him touching him ever so slightly by accident trying to unlock the door but his hand grabs mine. "Something Roy said." he mutters softly. "It's fine. I mean how did I expect him to react to gaining a kid we didn't even make?" I can almost see him flinch as I end the sentence. "I gotta go call Richard Garrison." He shifts. "You are letting him go to a foster home?" I don't say anything just wishing this would all go away. "When you wanted to take Ben in the first place? You are going to let Roy make this decision for you?" His voice on the edge but still soft. "I just want it all to go away." my eyes pulsing through lashes. He looks me in the eyes watching the tears grow closer. I swiftly pull from him walking out of the stall and walking back into the office. I pass Meredith going into the bathroom and my eyes widen a bit. "Well hello." I hear her say seductively. Jim mumbles something incoherent and pushes the door open the bathroom, just as I walk back into the office again. I would have laughed, and probably waited up until he got out of the bathroom to engage into a teasing session, but the pain in the pit of my stomach was too strong to defend on my own.

The keys I was typing weren't even in English anymore as I typed away by memory, openly on a blank document in front of me. _Things do to before…._ I start but quickly hit backspace putting on my solid face, not wanting to cry anymore. I was done crying. Before I knew it the random typing in between answering phone calls, it was nearing five o'clock. I closed my eyes as I walked past Jim leaving my computer sighing from the hour and a half worth of the world off my shoulders. It was ten minutes before I came back out watching as Jim makes his way from the copier back to his desk. I push open the kitchen door hoping it wouldn't make a lot of noise to catch his attention. I sweep my eyes over his face and a familiar disappointment breaks into the air that makes me think of the art internship in New York. I push away the words that have haunted me for the last month. _You gotta take a chance on something sometime Pam. _ Lost in my own world I hit my foot on the edge of Jim's chair almost falling to the floor. "Pam are you okay?" he grabs my arm to steady me. "Yeah sorry." I reply silently cursing leaning down to fix my shoe. He watches me for a moment then I quickly retreat to my desk. I stare at my monitor staring at the black ink against the white.

I hit the x in the top right hand corner deleting every emotion dripping off the screen. I sigh as I hear the main door open. I don't look up knowing exactly who it was. I gather my things in a quick manner and stand to finish my faxes. "Listen Pammy." I cringe at that sound. "Just don't Roy." I mutter feeling Jim's eyes once again, suddenly feeling irritated with both men. "I just want..." I stop him dead on spinning around to face him. "I really don't care what you want Roy!" I suddenly yell out making the whole office turn to me. His face flushes with embarrassment as I toss the faxes on my desk, grab my stuff and walk out of the office as fast as I can.

The moment I step outside I mentally kick myself. No way home. I reach into my purse and grab my cell phone, walking out of the parking lot and down the street a little to avoid Roy and Jim. "Yes hi, I need a taxi." I speak into the phone. I sigh sitting on the curb completely frustrated. None of this was supposed to happen. I feel a small tear making its way down my cheek. I wipe it quickly. I find myself zoning out for ten minutes watching a little ways down the street a mother holding the hand of a little boy who was smiling gracefully. I smile imagining Ben and I doing the same thing. I let my head fall into my hands taking a deep breath. Before I could even finish my fantasy a yellow car popped up In front of me honking its horn lightly. I jump slightly and stand. I slip inside and contemplate where I wanted to go. "Where to Miss?" a man with dark hair and a jersey accent looks back at me with a questioning look into his eyes. Ben comes into my mind and I know where I need to go. The reflection of the sun setting breathes against the glass that my face sets upon. The little boy I had seen just a moment earlier waves at me with a brilliant smile. Yeah, I know where I need to go.

_Thanks so much for reading! It was getting a little more difficult for me to not just jump into fluffy Jam, but I fought the urge for the sake of the story. _

_Review it makes everything worth writing. _

_-jamfan2000-_


	6. Child Services & The Silhouette

_**Hey all! I hope everyone is doing awesome! I for one am kind of glad that I got this updated a lot quicker this time, as I hope you guys are too. I'm so sad that the season is over already..But hopefully the next season won't take as long to get here. ENJOY! ;)**_

The sun was dimming slowly as we pulled up in front of the dark four story building. I get out and give the driver a fifty, "Thank you." He nods. "Have a great day." He replies. I nod with a nervous smile on my face and turn around. The abruptness of the situation hit me hard. I start to play with my necklace wrapping my hand around it pinching the silver with my fingers. _I can do this. _ My hands start to shake as I walk my way up the one case of stairs. I finally reach the front door. I look on the side of the building that reads _Lackawanna Children's Services_. The word child stays in my head for the next ten minutes it takes to get up to the main office. I'm going to be a mom. A _mom._ I feel the sweat on my hands start to take control as I'm forced to let go of my necklace. The big brindle door is suddenly in front of me, before I had the time to blink. I take a deep breath about the open the door as my eyes drift to the side glancing at the names of the Social Workers of the office. The third down, I see Richard M. Garrison. I smile lightly with excitement and opening the front door the abrupt smell of apples entering my senses. I glance at the receptionist sitting at the desk almost hooked to the phone her brunet hair wrapped around the phone cord. Looking down, I see the apple spice air freshener that is making my head spin with the strength of the scent.

"Hi can I help you?" the voice disturbs my thoughts as I look over smiling nervously. "Oh hi sorry, yes I'm here to see Mr. Garrison." She nods politely and asks "Name?" "Pam Beesly." "Alright, let me see if he's available please have a seat." "Thank you "is all I reply making my way over to the dark maroon chairs barely a foot away. I watch as she picks up the phone and pushes an extension. I look around the room taking in the pictures of children all over the wall. I smile when I see a baby wrapped in a flower staring so innocently at the camera. Tears press against my eyelids, so shocked by the happiness that erupts through my chest. I cross my legs and tap my foot nervously. "Mr. Garrison, Pam Beesly is here to see you." I look over at her as she taps her pen against the desk. I swallow deeply thinking how I was going to be able to walk back into the office now after my yelling spree. I lean my head back closing my eyes. Ugh, everything was turning into such a nightmare and becoming exciting all at once. It was actually excruciatingly annoying. I wanted to be happy, but yet for some reason the universe doesn't seem to make that possible for me. _I really don't care what you want Roy! _ Those words replaying over and over in my head like a bad record. I play with my hands sitting in my lap, my purse lazily hanging off my arm. Sometimes I couldn't believe Roy has the nerve to say the things he says. Holding my hand, making it seem like he's with me all the way, then taking it away by telling me I will be a terrible mother. Approximately, a month and a half after my sister died and learned I was going to have to take her kid. Thanks Roy.

I couldn't feel more embarrassed than I was during that moment. Maybe it's delusion. All of this going through my head, the stress. I was so furious and every time I replay it in my head it makes me even angrier. Breaking through my harsh thoughts I hear "Miss Beesly?" I look up and meet her eyes. "Mr. Garrison will see you now." I nod politely and stand. "Last door on your right" I make my way down the narrow hallway, but not before saying "Thank you" in reply. The walls were covered in photos of different babies that had some kind of quote next to it. I looked up at the one right before his door. There was a baby sitting in a pile of rose petals and at the bottom in silver it read _Children begin loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them. _I smile imagining Ben coming up to me begging to be able to use the car, to go to a party maybe a football game. In that instant I hoped that he would pick basketball. Jim pops in my head; I think about the basketball game in the warehouse the way Roy shoved him so furiously. _No not now_ my mind screeches. I take a shattered breath and walk past the picture. I find his door cracked so I knock lightly until I hear a "Come in." I make my way inside and his head greets me. "Hello Pam." His smile is contagious as he stands to greet me. "Hello." I politely reply shaking his hand. "Please have a seat." He gestures to the two dark maroon seats like the ones in the waiting room, but more cushion. He shuts the door then walks back around to his own chair. "So I'm guessing this is about..." "Ben" I finish for him. "Yes Ben. I'm sure you made a decision?" he inquires placing both of his attached hands on the table across from me.

"Actually, yeah I am just…" I pause not really sure what to say next, then an idea comes out before I even get a chance to decide. "Can I see him?" he doesn't seem fazed by this question like I thought he would be. He looks apprehensive for a moment then looks up at me saying "You can most definitely see him." I can feel the smile light up my entire face. He chuckles at my reaction. "Now the children are actually in the other building across from us. But I will call over there and let them know you will be stopping by. And make sure to have your ID on you. You never can be too careful." I nod along grinning the entire time. I finally get to see Ben. I twist my fingers nervously. I watch him stand as I stand along. "Well Miss Beesly, we need your decision by Friday and I hope today really clears that decision up for you." He smiles and holds out his hand. "We will talk soon." I nod shaking his hand. "We most definitely will." I mock his phrase then moving to walk out of the room.

My legs seem stiff as I walk back into the familiar hallway again making my way back towards the front door. Once I get there I give a short wave to the receptionist and move my way towards the elevator. My hands shake as I press the down button. Is this really happening? Am I actually going to see Penny's son? My nephew? My... I stop myself from going further, trying to keep a steady head on my shoulders. I bite anxiously at my lip as the elevator dings and opens its doors. I find myself outside of the building again taking a sharp right turning down a small pebbled pathway. I follow it around passing a few buildings before finding the right one. A decorated sign with a large rainbow star filled in front of different shades of blue behind it making the star irresistible. I smile at the painted sign and follow the words below. _ You, My Star, will shine brighter than any sky. _ I smile and walk towards the doors. I take a deep breath as I reach the handle. I close my eyes trying to hold back my nervous grin then without asking my mind for permission my grip pulls the door open. My eyes start to shine as I look around at least fifty kids playing. To my right is the office center and to my left is stickers made of stars on the wall with different names posted on each different color star.

I look down the row of names. _ Emily, Candace, Beth, Jake, Daniel, Ben_. I stop dead letting my grin break out. I continue to stare at the name as if it's some sort of sign, some sort of green light and the feeling inside me that makes it feel so right. It may not even be my Ben, but just the name glowing at me with its sparkling texture just makes me want to scream with exhilaration. I close my eyes and imagine me taking him home, giving him a bath and cradling him to sleep. That alone excites me. I feel my grin grow wider if that was even possible and finding myself falling into more and more fantasies or more like chronicles of his life. A voice startles me out of my dreams. "Can I help you mam'? I stumble slightly at the sound. "Oh yeah. I just came from the Service building..." I pause slightly watching her face as she stares ahead expectantly. "I am from Mr. Garrison's office." I conclude seeing her facing light up slightly with knowledge. "Oh Miss Beesly!" she leans forward to shake my hand. "Hi I'm Lisa. I am one of many caretakers in this building. Please come with me and we will get you sorted out." I nod politely. "Okay." I reply following her down a straight hallway with more stars following each tile on the floor. I let my tongue roll over my lips as we take a right walking straight into an office, much like the one I was in moments before. She quickly went around the desk and typed something into the computer. "Okay and you are here to see…" she looked as if she was reading a list of some sort as I replied, "Benjamin Beesly." With a small giddy expression I follow my eyes around the office finding pictures of some younger and older kids standing next to I'm sure were the caretakers that belonged here. I didn't even hear the sound of the door open as I see from the corner of my eyes a little girl who looked around four years old, hair in ponytails with green ribbons and a matching green dress filled with yellow bees on her small waistline.

"Isabelle!" Lisa called out to her with a smile that reflected on the windows. I turned and look down at the little girl who reluctantly smiled back at me with her small grin. "Hi Mrs. Codwell" she replies softly, tone hushed. Lisa was just about to reply when another person entered the office. "Bella, they you are!" the older lady exclaimed. They dark circles under her eyes looks as if she hadn't had sleep in years but the warm grin on her face showed that it was well worth it. Her hair was short and was incredibly dark almost black but not quite, while Lisa's was long and light blonde and fairly young.

"You can't run away like that. You know better." She lightly patted her back. The little girl hangs her head. "I sorry just wanted to help with the stickers." The older lady chuckles and turns to me. "She always does." She holds out a hand to me. "Hi, I'm Tiffany or as the little ones call me Miss. T" Her grin warms away my nerves. "Pam Beesly." "So nice to meet you Pam. This is Isabelle." I look down at the young girl who nods her head softly. "Hi" "HI" I smile nervously back at her. "Alright, come on Bella. Let's go get those stickers huh?" the little girl giggles and jumps all at once. Just as fast as they walked in, they continued walking past us through a small door down the office a bit on the left. I watch them disappear and Lisa calls to me.

"She's adorable isn't she? Her parents died in a car crash when she was three." She continued to talk but my senses only heard "car crash" and suddenly I felt as if my body was in one. I feel the nausea settling at the bottom of my stomach. Penny. Ben. Roy. Jim. Mom. Car crash. Everything was hitting me at once. I could almost hear the metal clashing, the glass shattering and see the tombstone that has yet to be made with Penny's name on it. It's like a sickness I have been ignoring for too long. It just got stronger every day I tried to ignore it. It was feasting on my insides and tearing my organs apart. I can't feel my body. I didn't see the panic on Lisa's face, I didn't hear the glass shatter against my hand as I knocked over the candy dish and I didn't feel the blood descending down my arm. I heard Penny's scream then everything went black.

_**Next chapter will be about Ben! And some jam of course, I realize that I have been cutting you short since the last chapter of Jam, but I wanted to show that it's suddenly not only about Jim and Roy anymore. But don't worry, anyone who knows how I write knows I can't stay away from fluff, it's somehow in my blood somewhere.**_

_**Hope everyone enjoyed! **_

_**Review me and get 10,000 points! (you thought I was going to say dollars weren't you?)**_

_**-Jamfan2000-**_


	7. Benjamin Allan Beesly

**And I'm back! I hope everyone is doing great! I am so ready for season nine to come back, even though I'm a little apprehensive. Anyway, Hope you wonderful people enjoy :D**

"Miss Beesly!" I heard a distant call but I couldn't put it together too well. "Pam!" I heard more clearly a moment later. My eyes open and there are a few heads hanging above me. I recognized Lisa and Tiffany (if I remember correctly) that I had met only a few moments before. "Uhh." I moan softly trying to sit up. "Are you okay Pam?" Lisa offers me a bag of ice and a concerned look. "Yeah. Yeah." I glance sideways towards the candy plastered all over the floor along with the glass pieces that pierced the front desk as it fell. "I'm so sorry for this mess. I'll clean it up." I sputtered quickly attempting to move to clean it. "No, no honey. Really it's fine." She pauses still looking distraught. "Are you okay?" Her voice directing its own way into my ear as if she expects a different answer. "Yeah I just felt a little hazy that's all I'm sorry." I stutter getting up slowly, watching a man in blue jeans and a green hoodie lean over and pick up the glass pieces carefully.

I bend down to grab some candy in front of my foot as the man grabs my hand. I look up watching his face. His face round and friendly, his baby fat still clung to his cheeks. His hair spread out flat but messy, almost like Jim's but thinner. His eyes are a little longer but extremely friendly and warm. His whole face gives off child like features. It was rather cute. "I got it seriously. You need to sit down and take it easy for a minute." It came out like a command but his voice sounded anything but demanding. "Okay." I finally say smiling back at him. Right before I sit down I hear him. "Besides, don't need you knocking anything else over." He looks over at me with a teasing smile and my mouth forms a small "o" before resting back in its place. "Nice" I reply grinning. "I thought so." He comments putting the last of the pieces in the trash. He stands fully and I see his whole form. I can tell he is big boned and shorter, unlike Jim who is tall and lanky. I shake my head at my obvious pros and cons list.

"I'm Alex" he says softly with that charming smile I had met only a few moments before. "Pam" I smile back grabbing his outward hand and shaking it gently. I glance at his silver watch looking at the branded words at the bottom. I can only make out European edged in gold before my eyes switch to the apparent moving hands. _7:45. _where has the time gone? I let go of his hand just as I hear a voice.

"Pam, its okay if you need to come back tomorrow if you are feeling ill." Lisa says calmly. I shake my head before she even finishes her sentence. "No, no I really need to do this." I take a deep breath and turn to Alex again. "It was really nice meeting you." I smile gently. He immediately retaliates with a new expression on his face that I can't read. "It was great to meet you as well." As I make my way out the door and back into the dim lighted hallway behind Lisa I hear my name. "Hey Pam!" I turn around and face Alex once again. "See you around." He turns to Lisa than back at me. I look up to him with a timid smile of my own and say "See you around." He smiles and walks away. She gives a small wave to Alex as we turn and walk down an empty hallway filled with colors that I'm sure are from every crayola box in the country.

"Well that was something huh?" she smirks at me as we walk closer to a door that says _The Beautiful Babies of Scranton. _ Then at the bottom it says _6 months to one year olds. _ "I'll say." I mumble. She smiles and stops right in front of the door. "Are you ready for this?" She looks at me with support tossed around in her eyes. I take one final breath and shake my head reluctantly. "Yes." I smile slightly. I feel her hand on my shoulder. "You can do this. " I shake my head closing my eyes for a moment hearing as she turns the knob. My entire body shakes with adrenaline I have never felt before.

I walk in and hear the laughter echoing the room. There is a small TV in the corner playing _The Lion King_ with plenty of adults and baby swings scattered nearby. I look around feeling the sense of pride they must take of being able to make sure all of the kids are cared for, played with, learning, and being loved. At first, I felt such a huge attack on me at once. As if my senses were taking advantage of me. Now, I feel the change of emotion playing me like an old record player. The MM cartridge just isn't moving fast enough. "Pam?" I move my eyes away from all the commotion and follow Lisa into another door that led to groups of play pins, almost shy of a dozen. She walked me over to a purple play pen and smiled downward. "Here is little Ben." I smoothed out my skirt pinching the ends of it tightly trying to get a hold on reality. I moved closer. This was it. I mean; This. Was. It. I walked up even closer looking down at the top of his head. He looked up at me with his beautiful big blue eyes and I knew what it felt like to fall in love. The birds were singing and the angels were grazing his presence. Holy Crap.

His cheek bones were still filled with baby fat, his body was little, with only a tiny little belly sticking out in the front, His blue and yellow SpongeBob outfit made him even more admirable. I couldn't breath, I couldn't speak. I just cried out a very tiny gasp as my eyes filled with tears. This was Ben. This was sweet, _sweet_ little Ben.

"I'll give you guys a moment" Lisa whispered I could tell so she wouldn't frighten Ben away from my stare. I smiled slowly. Just when I thought love couldn't be anymore on my side, he smiled. He really smiled. At me! "Hi Ben" I whispered slowly. He just continued to smile. Then, ever so slowly he moved his little tiny hand towards mine. "Baba!" He scooted back towards the back of the playpen, suddenly so afraid of me. As if he knew I wasn't just another one of these care takers. I let confusion fill my face. What was I supposed to expect?

"You don't drink the "baba" anymore do you Ben?" A voice from my left coo's down at him. I turn and see a short haired blonde woman who was making sweet eyes at my Ben. His face seems to calm completely and even though it shouldn't have. It irked me. "Hi I'm Rebecca; I am the main guardian for this age group." She holds out her hand gently. "Hi, I'm..." she interrupts me as her hand grabs mine. "Pam Beesly, nice to meet you." She laughs lightly as the absurdity of the expression on my face. "I did a little research." I nod slightly still not fully understanding. "You have been at Dunder Mifflin for 7 years right?" Another nod. "Yeah." She moves her eyes back to Ben. "I usually do research on families who want to adopt. It's kind of what I do." I don't smile back as I point towards Lisa behind me, who was putting up a time chart. "I thought that's what she does?" She meets my eyes. "She does. I just make sure everything is in ship shape. I care about these kids more than my life. I have to be sure they are going to be taken care of." She tilts her head towards Ben lowering her voice. "And I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about your sister." I play with my necklace. "Yeah." You'd think she would be able to fake it better.

I find myself lost looking at Ben as he plays with a toy piano. "Do you want to hold him?" I'm almost completely startled by her reply. I look at Ben then back at her then back to Ben. "Miss Beesly?" Her head tilting down to catch my eyes. "No yeah. Definitely." I feel something catch in my throat. In my head this was so much easier. What if I drop him? What if I make him cry? What if he doesn't want to come home with me?

She leans down and picks him up his arms awaiting her arrival. "C'mere little Benny." She coos. He was so beautiful. His little white socks poked out of his pants. She looked at Ben as he stared at me almost contently. She handed him over to me slowly. He was so warm against my chest. I smiled at him. He didn't start crying so that was a pretty good sign. I wanted to squeeze him and put him down all at once. I was scared. Of so many things. How was I going to raise a kid when kids all around the world hate me? I don't think babies like watching paper shed or appreciate suckers that turn their tongue a different color.

He makes a little noise and I feel his tiny hand slowly cover the top of mine. It was like little shatters of my skin were jumping off and making rainbows right in front of my eyes, the feeling was magical. The connection that I feel when I turn my hand over and grab his little fingers is life altering, like everything felt so complete and feeling the need to amend my entire life. Its sends jolts through my entire body.

I grab his little fingers and squeeze them gently. "Well don't you guys like cute together." Lisa walks up smiling at us. "How does it feel?" I feel myself almost spitting out the first words that come to my head. _How does it feel? Are there even words for this feeling? _ I flash back to when Jim's arms were wrapped around me. That inexplicable moment of when his hands met mine and the tingles were sent to every part of my body. And when his lips wandered crossed mine, I felt a feeling I've never felt before.

I look down and watch his eyes roam around my face. He moves his little hand into my palm and I feel it again. I smile down at him and tears roam around my eyes. _Love ._That's what this feeling is. I laugh in spite of everything. "It feels perfect." My reply was washed away with Lisa's and Rebecca's footsteps leaving me and him alone watching the paint wash away the sun and his eyes drift close with the unexpected shutter of my heart thumping in my chest.

**Yes! I brought Alex from Pratt and into this story. I just thought it would make it more interesting. And I know please don't curse me out, Jim and Pam are coming. **

**Hope all is enjoyed!**

**Review and get a free cup of coffee from Dwight's coffee corner: D**

**-Jamfan2000-**


	8. A Smooth Stalker & a Season's Greeting

_**I am very excited to get this next chapter out to everyone! Two stories in one night, not too shabby. Oh and for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about "Savin' Me" is the other story I was referring too. Which in case you haven't checked out you definitely should! You guys are awesome! **_

Extraordinary Measures part 8

It was close to being pitch dark by the time I actually left Ben. I felt a huge lump in my stomach as I walked away from his pen. I was just watching him sleeping sucking his thumb like his life depended on it. It was really the cutest thing I've ever seen. I decided to stop torturing myself and finally tip toe out of the door finding my way back to the front of the building saying my goodbyes to Lisa and the rest. I wipe the tenderness from my eyes and find myself meeting the dark night as I walked out to my car. I hear something moving behind me and I jump

"Hey, whoa I'm sorry." I turn towards the familiar voice and it was indeed Alex once again.  
"Are you stalking me now?" I find myself on the middle line between teasing and seriousness. He shakes his head laughing. "No. Well yes." My silence and curiosity bulge out a little which causes him to laugh inexplicably. "I mean, I was just wondering how it went in there..." His voice trails off and I see the tiny smile wrinkles next to his lips jolt a little. "Oh... it was fine. I mean great." He shakes his head. "That's great." I mock his head shake back at him. "So are you and your husband adopting?" I shake my head almost instantly not really sure what this guy wants, but not so much afraid of him as I thought I should be. He reminded me so much of Jim. He was so comfortable to be around, so comfortable that you almost want to spill your guts out all over the table. I feel my finger playing with my engagement ring and he catches it.

"Umm no. I'm not married I'm engaged. And that's my sister's kid. The look on his face gave more reason than justice. "Oh wow, I'm sorry." I feel myself almost jerk back from the concern in his voice. I tilt my head, "Why are you sorry?" I watch as he fidgets. "Well either your sister has passed on….." He looks at me making sure my eyes were still intact. "Or she's not allowed to be with her kid. Either way I'm still sorry..." I feel anger bursting through my veins. How dare he make an assumption about someone he doesn't even know?

I shake my head trying to hide my fury trying to push away the burn in my throat. "Okay, well I gotta go." I turn to leave and I feel him move closer in regret. "I'm sorry I wasn't…"

"No it's okay." I shake my head. Of course leave it to Pam Beesly to just try to avoid instead of stand up for herself. I should have said a lot of things, but looking at him now, the deep regret soaked into his features, I actually felt guilt. The madness!

I start walking away again and his voice interrupts me again. "So I guess I'll see you in about twenty seven hours?" I quirk an eyebrow. "You're pretty sure of yourself aren't you?" He smiles smugly.

"Oh yeah. I am." His smile a little too contagious. I chuckle inwardly as his expression changes. "See you very soon Miss Beesly." A part of his voice I've never heard before. "Wait, how did you know my last name?" My mind juggling a plate full. "It's a small building." I nod as he walks away. "That was something." A whisper caught between the street light and the cars surrounding the parking lot.

Before I know it I'm in my car watching the reflection of the streetlight against my hood. I feel my phone vibrating inside my pocket, but before I can stop it, it retracts; the bright white letters defying my thoughts.

_3 missed calls. _Two from Jim and one from Roy. _ One text message. _

I sigh hearing his voice soaking into my being. _"Hey it's me. I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry for earlier. I shouldn't have barged into your business. I uh... I wanted to make sure you were okay. Hope to hear from you soon. _

I close my eyes and the repeat the message letting it flows through my system as if fighting away all of my dark thoughts. I shake my head awake, from the trance and pull the phone away from my ear. I look down clicking the "Inbox" button and finding another message from Jim.

_If found please call 1-800-animal control. _

And down below was a picture of Dwight with his elf ears on who had just tripped and fallen into some mud.

I snort letting my head fall back against the seat my giggles dancing around my shoulders. I close my phone fighting the urge to call Jim and have him explain how he is able to make my day so much better in a matter of moments.

I shake my head forcing my phone into my pocket finally pulling out of this parking lot. My nerves bundle at the thought of talking to Roy again. A huge milestone hits me in the face as I watch the road now darkened passing me in the window. _What have I gotten myself into?_

I force myself to stay on the road as I head back towards Roy. From this moment I knew, was going to change everything. I glance down at the clock blaring its green tenacity all over the passenger seat. _8:30_. I push the gas down a little harder hoping this would all just go away, like some sort of fog in an abandon parking lot.

I finally arrive home about 9:15 walking inside the mundane house only with a few lamps to light the way. I take another look around and I find the house spotless. My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. _Looks like Roy is working this forgiveness. Maybe if I if I stayed mad at him for a little longer the house would be clean for a week. _ I hear footsteps and see Roy walking out of the kitchen. "Hey Pam" his voice turning into someone I haven't heard from in years. "Hey Roy." He catches my confusion and comes over to kiss my cheek. "I made dinner" he whispers in my ear and I'm completely flabbergasted. It usually means he "bought out" dinner but all the same of something he never does. Before I can say anything he walks me into the kitchen and I see his masterpiece. Candles lit dimly and just a few rose petals on the floor with dinner under two silver covers. This was something I was not expecting. Maybe Roy can really handle this.

"What…" I start but Roy cuts me off. "I'm so sorry about what I said today. You're going to be a great mom." He maneuvers me to my seat and I sit in stunned silence. He pulls the plate off and the aroma hits me like a thousand buckets of water splashed on me. "Wow…this is great." My first words said after my first bite. He smiles blush rupturing his cheek and just like that it's like we are back in high school having our first date. Him smiling at me over spaghetti and meatballs; both of us blushing like well, a couple of high school kids on their first date. "You bought out didn't you?" He laughs and replies, "Yeah." We both find ourselves laughing and it feels good for once, my head was swarming in the clouds. I came down pretty fast as my smile denigrates feeling a rush of something heading straight to my stomach, but I can't pinpoint on what it is. I feel my nerves get the best of me halfway through dinner and our timid talk and burst out completely unaware of my mouth actually moving.

"I'm picking up Ben on Friday." The words suddenly shut my mouth as I look up to catch his reaction. "What?" His voice breaks the bubble that was wrapped around our quite little table. _Why would I start off so impetuous? _ I put down my fork as Roy gets up from the table. I follow in suit. "Roy I'm sorry please don't be mad, but I have to do this." My voice is no longer confident; reaching out to try and grab an answer from Roy that I'm going to like.

"Pam, come on. How can you say that? We are not even ready to raise a kid!" His voice becoming a dark negative streak against the candles. "We don't have the money or the room to have a baby. I'm never going to be able to go out with the guys." I scoff crossing my arms. "That's so tough Roy, I'm so sorry that you would actually have to stay home with your _fiancé _instead of getting drunk with the guys." His eyes burn with anger. "Don't start with me about that again Pam." I shake my head in anguish. He takes my silence to push it even further. "And have you even thought about health insurance, we'd have to buy a house, get married…" My eyes bulge out of anger. "What you don't want to get married? Then why the hell are we engaged?" I snap back. "I just don't want to get married just because we are getting your sister's baby. I mean didn't you want time to plan the wedding? We wouldn't even have a honeymoon if we got married now." A soft pause makes me want to release my anger. "I'm going to have to be a dad for a baby that's not even mine." The words coming out of his mouth were starting to make me feel insignificant. Maybe he was right maybe we weren't ready. Maybe I was just pulling on straws I didn't have. "Then why did you say *you're going to be a great mom?* Just saying it to make me happy?" The caustic look in my eyes makes him shift with caution.

He comes closer to me and grabs my shoulder. "We can have a baby, just not right now okay?" He pats my shoulder completely avoiding the question and walks towards the bedroom. I follow him and watch as he shreds his clothes. "Just like that?" I query as I stand against the door frame.

He looks towards me as he sits down on the bed making it squeak. "Yeah Pam, just like that." He stares at me for a moment. "Don't do this again." He mumbles. I walk out of the bedroom and find myself in the kitchen cleaning up the mess of a sixteen year old girl's hopeless dream. I put away the leftovers and wash the dishes. Several minutes later, the kitchen was finished and I was heading in the living room with my almost full glass of wine.

I stare at the blank television as all the doubts I had from the beginning started falling into my lap one by one. Tears filled my eyes as I pictured Ben's face. _Roy was right. He deserves better. Ben deserves a real family. _ I feel myself sobbing as I lay down on the couch staring at the dark red liquid reflected itself off the glass. I push my face into one of my softest pillows to muffle my sobs. Soon I feel my eyelids giving out as I floated out onto a gloom river hoping the cold air would wash my tears away.

***** (_**A/N—I was going to end the chapter here, but you guys really deserve better than that! Am I right?)**_

Suddenly I feel myself shaking awake as if I had fallen off that raft that had put me to sleep. I watch the sun blind me with its talons as I force myself to sit up. I look at my phone staring helplessly at me from my barely drunken wine glass. I shake my head trying to wash away this growing pain inside of my stomach. I pick up the phone and text a short message to Jim. _Wished I'd been there to see that__. _It was very short leaving me hopeless for the morning to come. As if he'd been waiting my phone made a sound. _Me too_ it read and I felt as though for a moment I had forgotten how to breathe. Another message jumped in front of that one. _You would not have been disappointed._ The irony in that sentence almost made me burst into tears again but I held back trying to smile. _ Oh, I know I wouldn't have._ I sigh getting up tiptoeing in the bedroom to find my clothes as I see Roy turning over in his sleep. I bite my lip to keep the disappointing sigh away from my lips and down my throat. I grab my work clothes and head into the bathroom for a quick shower. I let the warm water wash away the harsh tears that wash their way out of my eyes as I let myself drown in it for a good few minutes. When I'm finished I walk in front of my foggy mirror wiping away just enough to see my face. I see my eyes still a hint of red painted on the white.

I close them feeling them already exhausted for the day. I open them and precipitously I'm in my work clothes and I'm in the car driving down the main road. I feel my phone vibrate and at a red light I open my phone. _You should come to Monday Mornings I have a surprise for you__**.**_ I'm almost smirk as I reply. _You don't have Michael or Dwight with you do you? _ I can almost hear his chuckle as he replies. _No way Beesly. If I was going to do that I would have you meet me at Shrute Farms... Meet me there, I promise it will be worth it.___ I fight my emotions as I stop at another red light**. **_Duly noted. Okay, I'll be there in 15._ It wasn't long before I got another vibrate breaking into my Future Leagues song on the radio; making me think of Jim. _See you soon Beesly._

The clouds above me seem to mock me as I finally make my way turning into the coffee shop the sky a little darker than before. I see an open spot a couple cars down from Jim's car and I pull in abruptly. I sigh hoping that the miserableness surrounding my face doesn't show. I walk inside for the second time that week letting the smell of coffee wake me up to the gift of life. I see Jim sitting by the window talking to a blonde waitress that has a very good potential to be my worst enemy. Her hand on his shoulder makes it hard for me to concentrate on walking around the tables. I almost feel the need to turn around and get back in the car, worsening my mood. I shouldn't be feeling this way but why today? Before I can even turn around Jim reads my mind clearly as his eyes meet mine. "Hey Pam." His grin pushing the waitress out of the way to come greet me. She looks at me as he gives me a small hug that I make me almost grunt in amazement. How did he know I needed a hug? I hug him back with full force suddenly feeling my sadness burst to the surface.

He pulls back seeing my tears jumbled at the corner of my eyes and the worry on his face are quite evident. "Are you okay?" Damn, didn't even make it to our seats yet. I shouldn't be surprised; Jim has always been the one to drag my emotions out of me. "Yeah, yeah. What is this surprise?" I leave as much emotion as I could out of my voice as I could. He sees right through me but I shrug him off. He shakes his head and smiles softly. "After you." He holds out his hand for me to pass him and I do trying not to smell his wonderful cologne. He grins as he sits on the other side of the booth definitely looking mischievous.

I smile back feeling my emotions dialing down. "What are you hiding?" I give him my best (trying to figure you out face) and he laughs. "You'll see. Hang on one second." I watch as he gets up and heads to the counter where he talks to an older gentleman that had _Manager_ for a nametag. I quirk my eyebrow as he turns to look at me. He quirks one back making me giggles as if I were in school again. He grins then turns back around handing Jim something that I can't see. He walks towards me hiding whatever it is behind his back. His teeth I notice seem whiter than they were before as he shows them to me walking up beside me. "Close your eyes Beesly." I look up at him in disbelief. "How do I know you're not going to shove a straw up my nose or something?" His smile remains gentle as he says, "A little too juvenile for me Beesly, now close'em." I finally shut my eyes expecting to feel something but instead I feel nothing. And then I hear his voice. "Open'em." His voice sounds giddy and when I open my eyes I know why. "Oh my gosh! The Gingerbread Latte? But this doesn't come out for two months!" My grin effectively taking up my whole face. Then I look down finding a cup holder with the words "World's Best Mommy" on the front and I just lost it. The sob breaks out entirely and I put my face into my hands. Jim automatically comes around and wraps his arms around me. I find myself moving over in the booth letting him completely absorb in my space.

"Pam, I'm so sorry. I went too far..." I cut him off. "No, no. it was really sweet." The words making me go into tears again. "Pam what is it?" His voice fumed with apprehension. I turn and give him the second hug of the morning. He hugs back holding me tightly to his chest as if I were going to fall to pieces in this little coffee shop. He pushes my hair softly behind my ears. I let out a small smile at the gesture. He tries to get up and move to the other side, but I pull him back down. His laugh occupies my ears. "Trying to keep me captive Beesly?" I grin slowly still feeling the ten pounds of water inside of my eyes. "Yep." An answer that I think shocked us both, but he just grinned back and reached over to grab his coffee pushing mine in front of me. "I'm all yours." His eyes sneaking up to mine, dropping briefly to my lips making me tremble deep inside of my throat, leaving me unable to say anything.

I turn away the sensation of the tears tearing me apart from the inside as I take a slow sip of my latte. It tasted just as good as I remembered it. I let a small tear escape following the condensation from the cup against the table. "Hey..." His voice delicate as his soft lips evading the hold on his straw. "I just…" I start wiping the tears off my face. "Thank you …" I sniffle giving him a small smile. Trying not to pour my heart out onto the table. He grabs my hand and rubs his thumb lightly over top of it. "You are very welcome." I can see right through his eyes into his mind, but I'm forced to turn away once again to avoid seeing _the high on cloud nine_ feeling.

"So what's on…" I intrude once again.

"I saw Ben yesterday." His face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Really? How was it? Was it everything you dreamed it would be?" I coughed trying to cover my laughter while pure sincerity lies all over his face. "Well Rapunzel" I pause pretending not to see the shock on his face. "It was amazing actually. I mean when I held him he just felt…" My mind flashes back to last night. The way his fingers wrapped around mine, the way his head felt on my shoulder. Then comes Roy suddenly bashing all those dreams down, those little hopes and dreams that would follow me to bed every night since I talked with Mr. Garrison. How I would help him learn how to walk, talk, learn his ABC'S. It was something so impulsive that just wouldn't leave me alone. I wanted that dream to stay alive, I kept feeding it and feeding it until it got so big I couldn't see the doubts I had pushed underneath. I pushed away reality. I hear my name being called in the fury of trickery.

"Pam…?" I shake my mind away from it all. I meet his eyes again. "He felt perfect." I nod pushing back more tears. His smile cautious of mine, deliberating my next move. "That's so great Pam." His voice so full of genuineness that it almost makes me breakdown again. Before I could finish my thoughts I hear his voice again. "And just so you know…Rapunzel wondered what if it "wasn't" everything you dreamed it would be. He shook his head and made a sound with his tongue. "Tsk tsk, so positive Beesly." I burst out laughing just from the insanity of it all. "What? I have a niece!" I hold my stomach trying to force out words, but nothing happens. Unexpectedly Jim is much closer to me and his fingers are tickling my every tender spot. "Jim no stop!" my hush whisper violating people's tables from a distance causing glances. His laughter makes mine go on even longer until I can't breathe. He pulls away as if he knew my lungs were starting to close up on me. Finally, we collapse into silence, taking it in.

"What was he like?" his voice just a hair line away from my ear. It was then I realized he never moved back over. I close my eyes and take in his warm breath against me cheek. "Everything about him was so pure, so full of hope, love." I start looking up to see him listening intensely. Our eyes hold each other for a few seconds longer than it should have. I turned away. "He was just…" I let a small laugh take over me, and then my eyes signal the mistakes from last night. The words, the broken 16 year old girls dream left on the kitchen floor, the tears flooding the pillow on the uncomfortable couch.

I blink my eyes continuously trying to stop my eyes from swimming, getting a little aggravated by how much I seem to be crying these days. "Pam, what is it? What's going on?" His hands lean over to touch my skin. I almost jump, his touch suddenly burning me. He must notice because he pulls back taking in my features. "I won't be picking him up Friday." My eyes only spreading misery as I stare at the table. "What…why.." I cut him off. "Because I can't. " I snap, my eyes finally lifting to his, tears blocking the anger. "Pam…"

"Please let me out." My voice pleading, begging not to see his disappointment. That Pam Beesly pushes everything she wants on the back burner. He doesn't budge. "Is it Roy?" His head looking at the table, then glances at me. His sudden disappointment made me angry. "He's right. I mean I've been pushing all of the doubts I had about myself raising Ben under the table. And he's my fiancé. How can I make a decision like this without him?" Suddenly the word Fiancé tasted bitter on my tongue. He gets up and sits on the other side. I can see his anger disappointment hidden underneath his eyelids.

"Jim.." He suddenly cuts me off. "How can you do that? How can you just give up everything you've been hoping for, for a…" I watch as he clenches his jaw and inhales. "For a guy who doesn't even care?" "He does care." I snap again, feeling guilty almost immediately. "He wants me to have time to plan the wedding…"

"A wedding that has been "rescheduled" like a dozen times already." I feel the tears bursting out of my skin. I get up leaving my almost empty coffee and walk my way out of the coffee shop as fast as I can ignoring his voice calling my name. I run to my car rushing to find my keys, almost letting out a scream when I can't seem to find them. I am still scrambling to find my keys when Jim runs out to me, blocking my door. "Pam, I'm sorry. I'm just in awe, because all week. _All week _you've been talking about things you can do for Ben, with Ben, and for yourself. It was just...I can see that it's something you want. And Pam you deserve him. You deserve to keep that piece of Penny into your life. Especially when he obviously makes you so happy." Tears are running faster now as he finishes his speech that touches me to my very core. I let my eyes harshly breathe out tears. I look him deep in the eyes and reply softly, "We can't always get what we want." His eyes search mine as they fill up with tears again and before I know it he's stepping back and I'm in my car driving away keeping everything in me to not turn around.

_**I know it seems like poor Jim keeps getting left in the dust but don't worry, Nice Guys always win!**_

_**Thanks so much for reading guys! Have an awesome Christmas and a wonderful New Year!**_

_**-Jamfan2000-**_


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